There were good and bad news for me from the Bali trip. The good news was I found out why I always have bad headache, which could make me cry silently, especially on a flight. One of my bosses had that kind of symptom as well and he suggested me to do a MRI test. The bad news was my boss is right: I am sick. Often, I had headache that could make me vomit at the worst time.
All these times, I thought it was because of psychological causes, not physical. So I treated it by joining a yoga class at the gym, social club in an English course, Graduate Christian Learning Center, religious service, drinking 3-4 glasses of vodka/beer/else when I’m in a club on a rare occasion, smoking and closing my eyes in office toilet and circling a green field. I was digging into myself and my surrounding, and writing it on a piece of paper and then it became poetry.
Still, I was very confused about the headache as I found there’s nothing wrong significantly in my life. I even had a plan to go to a psychologist. What a misplaced various treatments for a headache!
After the Bali trip, I had a CT-Scan and two photo roentgens for my head and lung, antibiotics and two week physiotherapy. But it didn’t work and the doctor suggested a surgery. It was a minor surgery with endoscopes technology, so the surgeon won’t do any external incision. I searched and read those medical journals about the surgery and the effects and gave all those journals to the doctor. He smiled and said: these journals are good for the doctors. Could I have the copy please?
Then, I was hospitalized for a week. The hospital experience was a new thing for me and bizarrely I felt excited about it. I’ve read the journals and got clear explanations about the risk with its possibility that could happen on a patient. But I did realized that if God wants something bad happen to me, it could happen anywhere anytime.
Generally, the idea of being dead[1] is an intriguing one. Why not? It means you have a chance to see whether the after live experience exist or not. If it is, it must be fascinating enough to explore with all the consequences. But if it’s not…shit! Why should people die then? To give space for another human being on earth.
I never hospitalized, entered a surgery room and had a general anesthesia before. Well, the surgery went well. My friends asked: Is it sick, because it seems that you suffered? No, it’s not sick, but it’s not comfortable for sure, especially the part when the nurse injected you with dozens of drugs. Moreover, the doctor gave me a local anesthesia if I were in pain.
However, there’s a horrible night that I spend by breathing through mouth. I was so sleepy but I couldn’t sleep because I could unconsciously stop breathing and got choking. The nurse said that it’s a normal process that I had to go through. The oxygen and the ability to inhale it without taking much effort are one of the very precious things that could happen in human life. I am just grateful that it was over. Up to this writing, I don’t drink and smoke again (I never like it). I also have renewed my gym membership at SC. Having a gym membership, without doing the exercise, already makes me feel healthier :)
[1] I don’t support suicidal.
Btw, it's a Functional Endoscopic Sinus Surgery (FESS) :)
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